Get Your Toddler to Stay in Bed
So you’ve made the crib to bed transition, congratulations! But now your toddler keeps leaving their bed and their room. I’m going to share my top tips for how to get your toddler to stay in their bed and in their room until morning.
Now if you haven’t made the leap to a big kid bed and your child isn’t climbing out, I strongly recommend waiting. When I work with toddlers I always advise parents to keep them in their crib as long as they can, preferably 3 years of age. You may be thinking why wait so long to make the switch?
If your child is happily sleeping in their crib and not trying to climb out, there’s no need to rush the transition. Learning to stay in a bed all night (for some kids) is a cognitive maturity. Moving your child to a big kid bed too soon will result in nightly visits from your toddler.
Consistency is super important with toddlers and they are masters at stalling and making extra requests. In order to avoid that, I would get very clear on the bedtime routine. Do the same steps in the same order each night and use timers if needed. If your toddler loves bath time and hates getting out, set a timer.
If your toddler always requests more books or hates brushing her teeth, having a visual chart can help them better understand the steps and make things more fun. I make all of my toddler clients a bedtime routine chart and I also use one with my almost 3 year old, which I shared this week on Instagram.
Toddlers learn very quickly what works and will push boundaries to get those things. For example, sometimes one of the parents (or grandparents) is more lenient. Your child will know that Dad will give extra tickles or extra stories making the bedtime routine get a little longer and delay bedtime. Now, I’m not saying you can’t have fun, but keeping the bedtime routine on track (30 minutes maximum) will make bedtime a lot easier.
Once the bedtime routine is over, make sure your toddler is falling asleep independently. If you are laying with your child or holding their hand for them to fall asleep, they may wake up looking for you and need that help to get back to sleep. An important part of helping your child stay in bed all night is that they can fall asleep without you so if there are night wakings, they’re not inclined to come find you.
We’ve all experienced this at one point in our parenthood journey… your child is in bed asleep (so you think) and you sit down with a snack and a drink and your show all cued up. Just as you hit play you hear crying or little footsteps as your toddler is now out of their bed and wanting you to tuck them back in or give them a glass of water.
Frustrating, right? Maybe they make it a little longer in bed, but are coming to your bedside multiple times a night, just for you to walk them back to bed. Then sleep deprivation takes over and your toddler just climbs in bed because that’s so much easier, yet less restful for you. What can you do to break this cycle?
Now I’m not saying that cosleeping or bedsharing is a complete no-no, it works well for many families. But, for the families that love having their bed kid-free, it’s a bandaid solution and a habit that’s very hard to break when you’re sleep deprived.
Step 1: Stay Consistent and Hold Boundaries
Once you’ve decided you want to take your bed back and get your toddler staying in their bed all night, stay consistent and hold this boundary. Explain the change to them before bedtime. “Mommy has been letting you get in bed with her in the middle of the night, but now you’re going to sleep in your bed all night long so we can all get a full night of sleep.”
Step 2: Use Consequences
Once your child understands the changes, you can implement a consequence when the new rules are broken. It needs to be something that gets your toddler to cooperate quickly and understand that you are going to hold these new boundaries.
When your child leaves their room that night, ask them why they’re not in bed (to make sure there’s not a true need). If your child is just coming to you out of habit in hopes to climb into bed, walk them back. Explain to them that it’s not morning time. Tuck them back in and explain that if they leave their room again you’re going to have to close their door. This may seem simple, but we want something that is going to get them from repeating this behavior again.
Closing the door and letting it click is a very effective consequence for toddlers. Even if it’s just for a minute, it’s important to follow through on this. They may cry or run for the door and that’s okay. You’re going to want to hold it shut for at least a minute. Once the time is up, you open the door again, say goodnight and leave the room. If the behavior continues, you increase the amount of time the door is closed.
Some toddlers sleep with the door closed already and in that case this would not be an effective consequence. In some cases, I suggest that mom or dad take something from the room that the toddler cares about. That could be their lovey or if they don’t have a comfort item, their blanket and/or pillow. Now this may seem harsh, but you want to get your child’s attention so they are staying in bed to avoid this new consequence.
Step 3: Toddler Clock
What if you child does well throughout the night, but is coming into your room at 4 or 5 AM thinking it’s morning? A toddler can’t tell time and if they’ve slept well, they may have trouble falling back to sleep. This is a big shift for your little one and it takes time for their body clock to adjust (depending on the nap situation too).
I recommend getting a toddler time to rise clock, especially if you’re looking to encourage your child to stay in bed until morning time. I am a huge fan of the Hatch clock, we bought one for my toddler. At first, I didn’t see the hype, just the price tag, but it really is worth the investment. You can use it as a sound machine and nightlight as a baby and then as a time to rise clock when your child is older.
You can also use an OK-to-Wake clock or any other clock that has a feature that allows you to set a timer for a light to come on when it’s morning time. If your child can recognize numbers, you can put tape over a digital clock and tell them they need to wait for “magic 7” if your goal is 7:00 AM or later.
The key to this strategy is that they know the signal for morning time. Tell them, “your clock turns green when it’s morning time”. Any time prior to that, they need to stay in bed. I also advise starting small at first. If you’re expecting them to sleep 7 PM-7 AM on night one, that may be very tough. Start by setting the clock to 6 AM and gradually push it back later and later as things improve.
Step 4: Celebrate the Wins!
Now I’m not saying you need to buy your toddler a fancy toy for staying in bed all night, but verbally praise them for progress! If the night wakings have reduced or they didn’t need any consequences, tell them how good they’re doing! Some parents decide to use a reward chart, but that’s not always necessary during this process.
If your toddler is not an independent sleeper and you’re struggling to break their nighttime sleep habits, reach out for some support. This can be a tough change and toddlers are very persistent. With a customized sleep plan and support, I can absolutely help you get your toddler sleeping independently in their own bed. Book a free sleep solution call today!
As a Bonus for reading this to the end, I’m going to share a sample Bedtime Routine Chart with you! Click here if you have a boy and click here if you have a girl.
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