How to Prepare for Baby Coming Home
Whether you’re a first-time mom or this is your second or third baby, it can feel like the first time all over again. You’re most likely busy getting the nursery ready, making a baby registry, attending birthing classes, picking out names and cute baby clothes. Of course, you’re also documenting the baby’s growth as you get closer to your due date.
But what actually happens when the baby comes and you bring him or her home for the first time? Your mama instincts will kick in and you will survive the first few weeks, then things will get a little easier. Those first few weeks will be a whirlwind, speaking from experience and so I want to share some things to think about to help you prepare for your baby’s homecoming.
Maternity/Paternity Leave
Hopefully you and your significant other will have some time off together while you’re adjusting to your new normal. Look into maternity and paternity leave ahead of time which varies by state and employer. It helps to know ahead of time how long both of you will be off whether one or both of you are working.
Depending on how much time off you get (and whether it’s paid or unpaid) that will determine how much support you need from family and friends. You can also look into hiring a postpartum doula. I happen to know a really great one (me, it’s me).
How to Prepare and Transition Your Toddler
Most of this blog post will be dedicated to preparing to bring your new baby home. However, I wanted to include a spot to acknowledge the transition when there’s another sibling in the picture. Hopefully you’ve already been talking to your toddler about the new baby as they’ve seen your belly growing. I always recommend communicating with your toddler as if they understand everything. They are very smart.
Show them where the baby will be sleeping, whether that’s in your room or in the nursery. Explain to them that there will be some crying and that’s okay, it’s how the baby let’s you know something is wrong. You can give your toddler a gift “from the baby” and your child can pick out something special for the baby too. We did this for my oldest when we had her little sister.
When you come home with the baby, depending on how old your child is, let them help you. They can hand you a diaper or wipe or sing to the baby. If they’re old enough they can hold the baby or even help with feedings. Make sure to spend one on one time with your toddler without the baby when possible. If a relative or friend can come over to help with tasks it will give you more time with the kids.
Lastly, you want to try to prevent any sleep regressions with the introduction of a new baby by keeping things consistent. Keep your toddler’s bedtime routine the same and try to switch off with the other parent whenever possible so they still get some Mommy time. They may ask why the baby gets to stay up later then them, so you can explain that the baby needs to eat often and wakes up more often too. This will be a big shift for your child so there may be some protesting or crying and that’s okay. Make sure not to let those boundaries slip or old habits start up again. If there is some crying or protest do a check in if needed, but stay consistent.
How to Handle Family/Friends
Decide how you feel about family and friends visiting. Oftentimes the mother or mother-in-law are available to help in the early stages of newborn life, but do you want that support? I welcomed my mother-in-law the first time around, because she was so helpful with cooking and cleaning and watching baby when I needed to do other things. My mom lives locally so she was always available to come stay.
If you have more than one child you may welcome some extra hands. Make sure to direct what your visitors are there to help with. A lot of the time family and friends may want to just hold the baby when you need help with other tasks like laundry, cooking or occupying other siblings. It’s okay to ask for help.
You may not want visitors and so it’s important to discuss this with your significant other ahead of time. Friends will want to come by and visit and see the baby too. Mom, you call the shots here. If you want some company, great. If not make sure you’re both on the same page with wanting privacy for the first few weeks.
Sleep
You’ve most likely spent time getting the nursery all ready for baby, but the reality is that he or she won’t be sleeping in there right away. Where will baby be sleeping during the day and nighttime? The AAP recommends that baby room shares (but not bed shares) with parents for at least 6 months up to 1 year of age.
For safe sleep, your baby should be placed on a flat, firm sleep surface on their back for all sleeps. There should be no loose bedding, blankets or toys in the sleep space. During the newborn stage you can use a bassinet, pack and play or even baby’s crib (for naps or bedtime). Contact and motion naps will be the norm for the first few weeks. I recommend working on some independent naps between 4-6 weeks.
If the thought of losing sleep when baby arrives has you panicking, try not to stress. For the first few weeks the rules are flexible. Baby will eat, wet diapers and sleep most of the day. Once you get past the first month you can start following more of an Eat, Play, Sleep pattern. In my Newborn Sleep Guide I share everything you need to know when it comes to newborn sleep, all with the goal of laying the foundation for independent sleep right from the start. I also suggest reading my blog post with my best Newborn Sleep Tips.
Additionally, as I mentioned above, you can hire some help to ensure you and your partner/spouse both get some rest. Hiring a postpartum doula is a great option for many families. It’s like having an overnight babysitter, but better! Why? Postpartum doulas are certified professionals trained in total baby care, breast and bottle feeding and postpartum recovery (physically and emotionally).
Not only does the doula take over baby care overnight (allowing you both to sleep soundly) they will also take care of light housework. Your doula will wash dishes, bottles and do laundry if needed. You can rest knowing your baby is in good (experienced) hands. If you are local to me you can inquire with my doula agency, Liberty Doulas. If you’re not local, make sure to do a Google search to find a reputable agency near you.
Feeding
Are you planning on breastfeeding or formula feeding your baby? How do you both feel about bottles? Breastfeeding can be a wonderful experience for mom and baby, but it can also be super challenging in the beginning. If you plan on your baby being exclusively breastfed, do you plan to pump or offer bottles? If offering breastmilk or formula in bottles, your significant other or any other family member can help feed baby when needed.
It may feel like some of this is overwhelming, but it can be helpful to keep your goals in mind when making these decisions. If your baby will be in daycare or watched by family then offering bottles of breastmilk will be necessary as you get closer to the end of your leave. Even if baby will be with you all day long there will most likely be a day or night when you will be away from baby. Waiting too long to offer a bottle can result in baby refusing the bottle completely which is very stressful for everyone.
Sharing the Load
The newborn stage is exhausting and it’s okay to lean on your partner or to ask for help. Being the mom doesn’t mean that you are expected to do every diaper change, feeding and naptime. If you are breastfeeding, then yes feedings will be solely your responsibility until baby takes a bottle. That also means night feedings and lots of fragmented sleep. Again as mentioned above, a postpartum doula can help you get more rest at night, but that option may not be financially feasible for some families.
Depending on how much time off your partner has, I recommend doing shifts at nighttime. Even if mom is doing all of the feedings, have your partner get up first. They can change baby before you need to come in and do the feeding or you can do the diaper change and feeding and hand baby off to your partner to get them back down to sleep.
If your partner or spouse is back to work that can be tough for both of you. They need to get up in the morning for work and you have baby to tend to all day long. Mom should go to bed early or when baby is down for the night while your partner takes the first shift. Then mom takes over for the second half so your partner can sleep before heading to work.
Household Duties
Another thing that can feel overwhelming with a newborn is household duties. Laundry won’t stop piling up and you both need to eat. Do you have other children at home? Having a toddler running around and a newborn is a whole other level of exhaustion. This is where family or friends can be super helpful.
Can grandma take your little one out for some time away? Or can grandma attend to the baby so your other child doesn’t feel resentment towards their new sibling? Meal prep ahead of time if you can. I did not do this with my first child, but with my second baby I made meals that I could freeze and pull out when I needed a quick dinner. Laundry can wait- lean on your partner or family to help with that too.
If you’re in a local moms group many of them offer meal trains to families with new babies to help out in those early weeks. It can’t hurt to join some local mom groups for some extra support even if it’s your first baby.
Postpartum Depression and Anxiety
Bringing home baby is a joyous occasion, but it can feel overwhelming and lonely at times. 70-80% of moms experience some sort of “baby blues” in the first few weeks as they’re adjusting to this new life, sometimes as early as the first 4-5 days. These “baby blues” can include mood swings, crying periods, anxiety, irritability, trouble sleeping, loss of appetite and sadness.
Baby blues are thought to be caused by the hormonal changes that happen during pregnancy and after delivery which can cause chemical changes in the brain. Adjusting to this new life with a routine disruption, less sleep and the effects of childbirth can also contribute to this shift in emotions.
Although you’re not alone in feeling this way, don’t suffer in silence. Talk to someone about how you’re feeling and ask for help when you need it. Whether that means help with dinner, laundry or watching the baby, take the support. Try to eat a well-balanced diet and catch up on sleep when you’re able to.
If these feelings are more intense and last longer than a few weeks you could be experiencing Postpartum Depression. This may even interfere with your ability to care for your baby. Call your doctor right away if you’re experiencing any of the above symptoms. It’s important to pursue treatment so you can feel better. You can also go to the Postpartum Support International Website for more information or call their help line at 1-800-944-4773.
While my expertise is sleep, I love supporting moms in any way possible. I hope this blog post helps prepare you for the whirlwind emotions that a new baby brings. If you find yourself lost or struggling with sleep, reach out! You can book a free call with me or connect with me on Instagram.